The Valiant Blogger Award is for the blogger who is brave and courageous. It is dedicated to someone who, despite being faced with the most difficult obstacles in life, chooses to fight on and never give up. It is for the lionhearted, one who faces fears and challenges, who has become an inspiration to others along the way. This award was created by Liz C. of the Daily Warriors.
FOREWORD: Contrary to Rule No. 3, this post is more than 200 words. You would understand after you’ve read through it.
My love for my parents is one of the strongest emotions in my life. But in Asian culture, love is seldom expressed in words. Besides being Asian, male and an introvert, it makes me feel even extremely uncomfortable to tell “I love you” or to even share my thoughts and feelings with them. Our daily conversation was a combination of what I had for lunch and what they had for dinner.
The word courage, came from latin root cor – which means “heart”. For this post, the meaning of courage is to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart. I don’t know where to draw the courage to share my story with you, like I don’t have the courage to tell my parents “I love You”. They raised me with love, so much love. They made me believe I’m worthy of love not because of what I achieved but because of who I am. Yet I so desperately want to be this perfect child for them, I share my happiness and achievements and withhold my struggles and failures. Although I’m proud of my achievements, it did not come to me sooner that this “sharing and withholding” thing had created a huge gap between us and we no longer feel the joy and pain of each other’s life and journey.
Frankly, I’ve been on an extremely rough time in life these past three months; I was heartbroken and torn into pieces by the end of a 30-plus year life relationship with my mom. I’ve written how it had been so heart-wrenching on my part on my post A Message for the Woman I’ll spend the rest of my life Missing and the subsequent post about finding my own balance in Is “Goodbye” simply a word. Many questions about unexpressed emotions, unsaid words of love and affirmations, hugs and kisses that were not delivered, kept ringing on my mind since then.
One time, I can no longer withhold my emotions, I broke down and I burst into tears. Luckily, my wife was there to break my emotional fall and absorb the outburst of all the pain and sorrow thru words spoken gibberishly that flowed right out of me. It hurts so bad, not just because of the loss of someone so dear to me but also by the lost opportunity to express all the love and care I withheld, in the sterile hope that a tomorrow is always guaranteed to come.
Sad but true, life stops for no one. Hence, I need to rise up from the ruins of my pain and guilt. Through the unconditional love, patience and support of my loving wife, I am able to face my emotional battles every day. This blog also became my therapy — a platform wherein I can express my emotions about life as well as my aspirations in life. Yes, if you’ve been with me and reading my posts since I started this blog, you would have noticed that all my posts were manifestations of my thoughts yet with the implied deeper purpose of anchoring myself up with my established ideologies, principles and convictions, in an attempt not to lose them whilst I’m fighting my own daily battles.
I couldn’t yet say that I have fully conquered and won that particular battle, and I don’t know when is the TIME that I can finally say I’m through with it. Nevertheless, I am somehow recently slowly gaining grip with my emotions. I owe it to the people around me, who loved me and are always there for me in this battle, including you, my readers and virtual friends here in the blogosphere. Your support to my every post, even your simple comments on each of them, solidifies my personal ideologies, principles and convictions and motivates me to keep on fighting. Because of that, Thank You, I’m getting by day by day.
I still have my dad. He’s a chronic stroke survivor for more than 4 years now. And every day I express my love to him and make sure he feels it. I have also my lovely wife and a family to whom I get courage and motivation in my journey pass grief and towards reconnection.
I don’t know if I deserve the nomination for this award, I’m just grateful for the opportunity to have shared part of my life story with you all.
Recently, the feeling of being “reconnected” (with my dad) after so many years is like magic. I didn’t expect that what feels so uncomfortable before felt so natural in the end.
My advice to those who are going through really tough times in their lives: RUN!!!
Ran towards those who love you and whom you know will understand what you’re going through. And just make it a habit to say “I Love You” to all your loved ones, will you? No matter the day or the circumstance.
Thank you Liz for creating this award which gives opportunity for people to inspire others through their resilience, courage and persistence in fighting the good fight of this so called Life.
For my nominees: I nominate all my readers for this award. Like me, I know you also have your own battles in life. Hear from you soon.
P.S.: Liz, please forgive the few extra words.