Love is a Choice

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My wife and I have known each other since early college years, but didn’t date until much later towards graduation. She has her eyes set on someone else as was also I.

Yet the moment we catches each other’s attentions, we had only dated a couple of weeks before we realized that we were madly in love and started making major life plans together. And since then, it has been a crazy blend and mixture of smooth-sailing and roller coaster ride types of relationship between the two of us unto the day of our marriage. On and off relationship, countless disputes and quarrels, so many memorable traveling experiences, emergency situations, family occasion and social gatherings – all assortments  of good and bad things that could possibly happen in a relationship.

Lately, my wife and I had this “conversation” about how we now “see” and consider each other respectively. And by “see” I mean Love. Do we still love each other as much as we did earlier in our relationship and into our marriage?

The more I think about this type of conversation the more I’ve come to realize that loving someone—or choosing to love someone—is actually (at times) an extremely challenging yet the most beautiful thing about Love.

I’ve heard it said that real love is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.

It’s true.

When all the butterflies have fluttered away and your wedding day becomes a distant memory, you will discover that you’ve married someone who is just as imperfect as you. And they, in turn, will come to learn that you have problems, insecurities, struggles, quirks—and body odor—just as real as theirs!

Then you will realize that real love isn’t just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling—it’s a deliberate choice—a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. Of course, you don’t choose who you’re attracted to, but you definitely choose who you fall in love with and (more importantly) who you stay in love with.

Our society places a lot of emphasis on feelings. It teaches us to be spontaneous about love. We are taught that we should always follow our feelings and do whatever makes us happy. But feelings are very fickle and fleeting. Real love, on the other hand, is like the north star in the storms of life; it is constant, sure, and true. Whenever we’re lost and confused we can find strength in the love that we have chosen.

Besides, life already offers us plenty of spontaneity: rejection, job loss, heartache, disappointment, despair, illness, and a host of other problems. We simply can’t abandon ship every time we encounter a storm in our marriage. Real love is about weathering the storms of life together.

When my dad had a stroke four years ago taking away his ability to walk and was confined to a wheelchair, my late mom (whom we lost September last year due to cardiac arrest) took care of my dad. She helped him do everything—from getting around the house and visiting the doctor, to helping him take his medicine and bathe.

In speaking about my dad, my late loving mom once told me, “It hurts me to see him like this. You know, when I got married I thought that everything would be smooth sailing. I never imagined that I take care of him like this every day. But I do it and I don’t mind it—because I love him.”

Love is so much more than some random, euphoric feeling. And real love isn’t always fluffy, cute, and cuddly. More often than not, real love has its sleeves rolled up, dirt and grime smeared on its arms, and sweat dripping down its forehead. Real love asks us to do hard things—to forgive one another, to support each other’s dreams, to comfort in times of grief, or to care for family. Real love isn’t easy—and it’s nothing like the wedding day—but it’s far more meaningful and wonderful.

I recently came across this wonderful quote: “No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by choice.”

This is what I’ve noticed; whenever my wife and I run into a problem in our marriage we do our best to choose love. While we’re certainly not perfect, the love we share today is more real and more wonderful than anything we had ever anticipated.

So, whatever spontaneous storm may come our way I plan on loving my wife.

My resolution after the conversation I had with my wife is that if you truly love someone (and they truly love you), commit to that love and plan on it being hard work.

But also plan on it being the most rewarding work of your life.

Photo source: http://wallpapercave.com

 

31 thoughts on “Love is a Choice

  1. mamaboss9091

    I agree!!! My husband and i both agreed on this when we were doing premarital counseling and we read the book about the love languages. If more people realized that you have to constantly work on a marriage and it doesn’t just happen, the less likely people would divorce…at least that’s my opinion.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I absolutely agree with your opinion Carolyn.
      Loving someone (especially our better halves) is a choice that we should commit ourselves into on a daily basis. It’s a lifelong daily commitment to choose what you both have over anything else. But I also believe that if a relationship is centered on God it has a greater chance to stood the tests of times.
      I know from reading some of your posts that you strive hard to keep your relationship with God strong. I’m encouraged by that ☺
      Keep it up. And all the best to your family.
      See you around.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. mamaboss9091

        Most defiantly I am actually going to be starting a weekly post on my thoughts while I read the Bible in chronological order. I question a lot but my beliefs are strong…ill be starting on Sunday

        Like

    1. Thank you for reading and for your sweet comment Natalie.
      Read your post about ‘love and hate revisited’ and left you some comments there. Great piece I might say. We are exactly one the same page regarding the subject.
      Keep it up. All the best!

      Like

  2. I’ve only been in love once, was by far the happiest time of my life, and of course a lot of work. Was young and dumb, but really can’t wait for the next time I’m able to take on that job again. Its more rewarding than any pay check for sure. Likely need more work on myself, but really hope that that girl comes along sooner than later. Hope entropy is on my side 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Every relationship, may it be romantic or just merely friendship, is always a blessing and also an opportunity to bring forth the best in us as social beings. In our lifetime, people may come and go, but the times we shared especially with those whom we had special relationship with retains a special place in our lives and imparted life lessons that can be considered genuinely valuable.
      You will someday meet the love of your life who is truly set apart for you. And when that time comes, I’m certain you would do everything in your power to protect and cherish what you both will have at the time 🙂
      And I wish that when that day comes you both shall find deep love and happiness in each other.
      Best of luck Sherif!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. You’re right. Almost all relationships are fleeting. Romantic, or just friendships. I remember a lot of people that are no longer in my life, especially my ex, and it actually brings me much joy. For a while, 2 years, it caused me a lot of pain, but I definitely learned the most from that experience, and its helped in future endeavors with girls. I’m sure one day I’ll get another chance at love. Can’t wait to invest everything (in terms of my being, presence, devotion to her) and see what can happen. Also will enjoy a lot of the fleeting friends in the process. Traveling definitely is a great reflection of the impermanence of life.

        Thanks for your support Andrei!! Hope you have a wonderful rest of your week 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow…this post has been the most personal that I’ve read from you. You’re right on spot in your explanation about love and marriage… unfortunately, other people choose to abandon ship not waiting until the storm calms. My relationship with my husband is also not smooth-sailing…we argue a lot! But I always make sure to let him know that I love him in my own little way. Just last night, I sent him a message saying that even though he annoys me and I told him i hate him, I love him. 😊… I wish the best for you and your wife’s marriage! Honest communication makes wonder- keep doing that! 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Honest communications do make wonders 🙂 I’m glad you could resonate with this post Nina. My heart warmed all the more when you say that this is the most personal you’ve ever read from me, haha. It is indeed deeply personal. My wife and family is my world, second to none but God.
      I’m happy to hear from you again Nina 🙂
      Thank you for the well-wishes on my marriage. Wish you nothing but the same too! See you

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This was such a senseful and amazing post. I haven’t been married yet. But this post is such a wonderful life lesson for me. I shall always remember this Andrei. And I wish you and your amazing wife every good thing and many many more successful years of happy and blessed marriage ♡

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow. Never imagined this to be of such an impact to others. I’m happy that this post somehow met your standards.
      Thank you for the well-wishes Tajwar. Wish that someday, when you finally found the ‘love of your life’ what you’ll both have will be worth fighting for and that which you could both cherish and enjoy so long as you’re together.
      Wish you all the best too 😊 Such a generous and kind-hearted person just as you are deserves the best there is.

      Liked by 2 people

  5. Pingback: Love is a choice … – የዛጎል ዜና – Zaggole News – ለተመጣጣነ መረጃ እንተጋለን

  6. Real love is weathering the storms of life together. One of the many quotes that I immensely liked. Invariably, you’ve done a great job with this one is well. Well, love is simply a topic on which we can write and write and write and ultimately discover that the day is over. And you’ve described your feelings of love in a very nice manner. Keep it going, sir!

    Liked by 1 person

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